


Things We Lost In The Fire

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fire, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Lists, M/M, Marriage, fire damage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 08:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock accidentally set his and John's room on fire, so they have to make a list of their possessions in the bedroom for the insurance company.</p><p>“A photo of a beached whale?”<br/>“Yes, Mycroft in his teens. I keep it for blackmail purposes.”<br/>John scowled but didn’t comment further.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things We Lost In The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so...a fic.   
> It's summer.  
> Bored as dicks.   
> Have a fic.   
> I spent like an hour reseaching condoms and lube for anal sex so you better appreciate it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**_Severed leg - serrated blade used for removal, female, aged 18-25, African American_ **

**_Lubricant - Durex Play Perfect Glide 50ml_ **

 “Christ Sherlock, lube and a severed leg?”

“I’m merely writing down everything we had. They’re not related to each other I assure you.”

“I- That’s not the point! They’re not appropriate together or apart. No-one is going to pop down to Boots and nab us a bottle of lube and then to the morgue to get you another leg!”

“They are possessions that are valuable to me.”

“Look, Sherlock, they meant stuff they can get back. What else have you got on here?”

His eyes skimmed down the list;

**_Photo of beached whale_ **

“A photo of a beached whale?”

“Yes, Mycroft in his teens. I keep it for blackmail purposes.”

John scowled but didn’t comment further.

**_Hair samples – three female samples; two brunette, one black haired, three male samples; one grey haired, two ginger haired_ **

“Who on earth did you get all these from?”

“You.”

“I’m fairly sure I’m not a female or a ginger male.”

“Obviously. They were hairs I found on your person; the static of your woollen jumpers seems to attract them. Unless you’ve just been rather intimate with several males and females but I doubt that is the case since the only time we are apart is when you go to work, go shopping or storm out of the flat. You are too dedicated to your work to cavort with your patients and the staff and are usually only shopping for the necessary amount of time to pick up the essentials. Now, storming out of the flat would give you plenty of opportunity and somewhat motive but I’d be able to deduce it the moment you walked through the door and prefer not to be thrown out of the flat for your infidelity.”

“I’ve not been off shagging random people from the street, idiot.” He pecked the side of Sherlock’s mouth, “And not because I haven’t got time or know you’d know, stupid, it’s because I love you.”

“Yes, well... that too.” Sherlock replied awkwardly, subtly moving his hand to John’s knee, “Me too.”

John smiled and kissed him again.

**_Ebony lockbox_ **

**_Oak dresser_ **

**_King sized oak bed and firm spring mattress  
_ **

“See, these are the things you’re supposed to put down on the list; stuff that is necessary. I mean it’s not like we can fit in my bed, it’s only a single.”

“Nonsense. Your bed is perfectly big enough for us both to share. All we have to do it is to remain in close contact for the night, which we usually do anyway.”

“That’s beside the point; you’ll have nowhere to put your legs! Look, how are we going to have sex in a single bed? We’ll end up on the floor before we’ve even started.”

“I am not opposed to the floor.”

“Well I am, so enjoy your solitary floor sex.”

Sherlock huffed but acquiesced, “Fine, we’ll stay in this hotel then.”

“I know you’re only upset because you can’t experiment in here... they sooner we get this list done the sooner we can get another bed and go home.”

“And have sex?”

“We can just do that here, Sherlock.”

“Yes, but sex on a memory foam mattress isn't the same as on our spring mattress.”

“That doesn’t mean it has to be exclusive though.” He said, moving Sherlock’s hand that was resting on his knee further up his leg. Sherlock moved in for a kiss, but it ended up on John’s cheek as he turned back to the list, “Of course, we have to finish the list first.”

“I hate you.” Sherlock pouted.

“No you don’t.” John smiled.

**_Photo of John aged 7 and 3 months_ **

“That for blackmail too?”

“No, I find myself rather... sentimental about it.”

“My mum can probably give us another copy of that for you, and some others if you like.”

“I would quite like to see you as a teen.”

“Only if I get more photos of you!” John grinned, “I’ll see what my mum can find. I’m surprised she didn’t hand them out to everyone at the wedding.”

“She tried. But in the end she’d forgotten you bring the album.”

“That’s mum all over.” John grinned.

**_RAMC shirt- men’s medium_ **

“Why is my shirt on here? I thought this was a list of all your things?”

“I count it as one of my things.”

“Last time I checked you weren’t in the RAMC.”

“I like the way you look in that shirt. I wear it more than you anyway.”

“No you don’t. When have you worn my t-shirt.”

“I wear it when you’re away at conferences. It helps me sleep.”

John kissed him lightly, “You’re surprisingly sweet for a grumpy consulting detective.”

“I’m not sweet, it’s just the truth.”

“It can still be sweet and truthful.”

“I stand by my comment.”

“You’re still sweet and nothing can change my mind.” He grinned

**_Wedding Ring_ **

“Er, why was your ring in your room?”

“I always take it off before a case.”

“So whose ring do you have on now?”

“It’s a spare.”

“A spare?”

“Yes. The one I wear to let people know I’m taken while still keeping our ring safe.”

“That’s... surprisingly romantic and thoughtful.”

“Mainly practical, actually.”

“Well, we don’t need a new one if you keep that ring... is it exactly the same?”

Sherlock scowled, “Of course not! It hasn’t got your engraving.”

“I’ll get it engraved for you if you want, exactly the same as before.” 

“It won’t be the same! You won’t have given it to me!”

John looked at him and smiled warmly, kissing him softly, “Maybe we can finish the list later...”

“What? Why?”

“Well you’re being wonderfully romantic and I’d like to show you how much I appreciate it...”

“Oh. Well then. Continue.”

**_Condoms - Durex Intimate Feel condoms - 12 Condoms_ **

“Again Sherlock, we can just buy them ourselves.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“And what’s with the in depth descriptions? I’m surprised you haven’t put the size down.”

“Oh, haven’t I? Write ‘ _large’_ next to it please.

John laughed, scribbling ‘ _standard_ ’ next to it.

“Hey!” Sherlock pouted.

“Sherlock, you’re not large. That’s a ridiculous girth.”

“Nice of you to mention it _now._ You seemed perfectly happy with it a moment ago.”

“I am perfectly happy with it you idiot. I don’t want some gigantic monster cock in me. Besides, it’s not the size, it’s what you do with it.”

“John that’s the excuse partners use when their significant other is significantly lacking.”

“Well I was just going to sing your praises, but I guess you don’t want to hear how I love that thing you do when you wiggle your hips, or when you tease me by going so beautifully slowly...”

“...I might want to hear more.”

“To bad I’m not going to tell you.”

 “You do love to be a tease, don’t you?”

“Only for you, dear.”

“So you could show me how well you tease...”

“Fine, come here you big lump”


End file.
